between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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