My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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