i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
