Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
