the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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