We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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