she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
