You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
