After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
