In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
