I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
