He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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