Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
