So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
