im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
