Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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