i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
