You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
