Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
