I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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