4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
