I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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