I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
