i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
