My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
