It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
