You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
