I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
