Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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