gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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