I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
