She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
