I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
