we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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