I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
