He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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