Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
