hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
