first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
