I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tornado booty call.. dedication
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
