I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
