I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
