im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
