I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
