Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
