Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
