He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just forgot I was standing up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
