By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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