Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
