No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
