Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
