So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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